I am a member of a society consisting of certain distinguished persons, whose manners or merits have raised them above the level of the world. Upon this Society some busy people, who would fain be considered the wits of the day, have thought proper to inflict the absurd title of “Dandies.” This folly gives us but little concern, and we have pretty distinctly traced it to a certain short-sighted elderly gentleman, who was some time since blackbailed on an application to be admitted a member of our club. If we are wrong in this idea, we are at least secure in (then) attributing this silly appellative to the envy of some obscure scribbler – possibly some ragged fellow who has been neglected or cut by “one of us,” and who has satified at once his hunger and his malice, by levelling bad jokes at his betters.

You seem, Sir, to have more good nature than many of your contemporary editors, and appear to me to be not altogether unworthy of being admitted into our mysteries. For the gratification of yourself and your readers, you shall know something about us.

Our Sect, or Society, is unquestionably the first and the most select in the empire of Taste. It is an “imperium in imperio,” as the poet says. Our form of government is an absolute but not hereditary monarchy ; and our laws are framed as far as possible according to the strictest letter of courtesy. We number in our list the witty and the most illustrious: no person, whose claims to distinction have not been confirmed by the jealous admiration, or envious notice of “the crowd,” can be admitted a member of the “Gentleman’s Club;” and even then not until he has undergone a certain probation, and cleansed himself from the sins of vulgar heresies.

No oaths are permitted by the laws – tho’ some few exclamations, as “By Gad,” “Pon hanneur,” &c. are tolerated in emergencies. No member is allowed to incur the risk of being stifled by the air Eastward of Temple Bar, without special consent (unless he be compelled to go to the Bank for money) and the privilege of being choked or distended at a city feast can only be acquired by ballot: this point, however, is sometimes ceded to the intelligent and illustrious, our society not being destitute of the spirit of discovery, and being really anxious to ascertain all the real gradations between themselves and absolutely savage nature.

No person wearing shoes in the morning or boots in the evening, can be admitted a member of the Society. The same penalty attaches to those who presume to stare at pretty women without the aid of an eyeglass. Every member, on being admitted into the Society, must forswear the use of some liquid called “porter,” and must abjure also a certain herbaceous plant or grass of disagreeable odour, entitled (I believe) “coppage” or “cabbage.” [This plant, I think B. once said, had been adopted by the state in a season of scarcity, and was afterwards prescribed, as aliment, for tailors.] No person who has smoked tobacco, or drank punch, since he came to years of discretion, can possibly be admitted without the most thorough purgation. Bruisers are not admitted, nor coachmen, whether amateurs or professors, though some of the former are retained on the “establishment” at a liberal salary, to avenge any insult offered to the Society.

Puns and jokes of all sorts are prohibited. In short, there are fifty other regulations, equally conducive to mirth and good humour.

Ours is an elective monarchy: and though, as I have said, we number amongst us the most illustrious persons of the time, our choice is never determined without the most severe scrutiny into the habits and character of the candidate.

There is now unhappily an interrregnum with us: for poor B–, who was elected unanimously, and with the expression of a feeling almost amounting to acclamation (the recollection makes me shudder even now) has – retired, without giving up the sceptre of command. We had hoped to have offered it to a certain distinguished individual, who has been labouring with indifferent success for some years to eclipse the rest of mankind in dress: B–, however, objected to transfer the sceptre to that gentleman’s hands. It was found necessary, therefore, to resort to a general meeting, in order (by repealing old laws, and framing new ones) to relieve us at once from the tenacity of B-.

I attended the meeting and the following memoranda (copied from the Secretary’s book) may serve to give you an idea of the manner in which we conduct business.

N.B. It is to be observed, that the Secretary is not a member. – It was intended originally that none but members should be present at our discussions, and that the office of Secretary should be “endured in rotation.” This plan, however, (owing to the indifferent writing of some members and the bad spelling of others) was found inconvenient.

(COPY.)

” Memoranda made at a general meeting of the ‘ Gentleman’s Club,’ held at the Thatched House Tavern on the 9th day of June 1816:

The Secretary read the requisition for a meeting in order to appoint a President; and in order that the applications of various persons for admission into the Society, should be taken into consideration.

The Hon. Mr. S– then rose, and moved, ‘that the Society was in want of a head.’ – This was agreed to, after an observation by Lord P—, that he ‘really never could see the use of a head.’

Lieutenant –, of the’ gards,’ moved, rather abruptly, that the weather was ‘insupportable, and that the society should adjourn to a more convenient season.’

The Duke of – objected the disordered state of the Society, &c. and assured the meeting that he thought it much better to exist in hot weather than in hot water. (Applause.)

A new Member in a pink waistcoat, suggested, in a low conciliatory tone, that any gentleman whose stays should be found oppressive might be at liberty to retire, paying his fine. – Agreed to, nem. con.

The Hon. Mr. S. then moved, that ‘the meeting do resolve, that the law respecting President be repealed, and forthwith proceed to elect a head.’

The Marquis T— said that the title ‘head‘ was too extensive, it comprehended more than suited the views of the Society, and moved, by way of amendment, that the title ‘Grand Master’ be adopted by the Society -Agreed to, after some discussion.

The following noblemen and gentlemen were then suceessively put in nomination for the office of Grand Master of the Society.

The Duke of –.

Murmurs – a general expression or discontent – no ballot took place – Lord P. (curling his mustachios) swore that ‘that was rather too good.’

The Earl of Drum.

Silence–a member observed at last, that the Earl had ‘once been caged all night for breaking lamps.’ Lieutenant– ‘ really could not see the objection’ (a smile.) — The Earl was blackballed.

Lord Viscount –.

A general laugh – one member said that his Lordship’s ‘spelling was not such as would become a Grand Master.’-Lieutenant– in some warmth ‘protested against such remarks. He considered that the Viscount could spell as well as himself’ (viz. the Lieutenant:) at any rate he knew that his Lordship ‘could always spell for himself?

Mr. S- observed, that ‘ his Lordship was in the habit of drinking “porter”, at Newmarket, and he played at two penny whist and brag with the blacklegs.’ – General symptoms of disgust — blackballed.

Lord George –.
A Member said that Lord George was a ‘common author,’ – but it was retorted that he was not a common author. – Mr. S. admitted that Lord George had been guilty of writing a book, but he contended, that ‘as it never sold, no objection could be maintained on that score.’ – One member asserted that the book contained jokes. This was repelled, and the book was, referred to, for a joke, without success. – Mr. S. said that there did not appear to be a ‘mens vivida’ (or disposition to wit) in Lord George, and as he could find (nothing particularly ludicrous, excepting only an ‘Invocation (by Lord George) to Genius ” he must be acquitted.’ – only one blackball.

Mr. R-.
The Secretary was desired to request Mr. R. to awake and retire. This was effected with some difficulty, and he was put in nomination. A young Member, in light blue cossacks, said that it would be an eternal disgrace to the Society if it were to nominate a tradesman. – Mr. S. objected to this (good naturedly) and said that ‘the man was a merchant, and as he had been admitted a member, he doubted whether Sir–’s objection would lay.’ – A Member in a straw-coloured cravat, said that R. was notoriously in the habit daily of eating “coppage.’ – A general shrugging of shoulders. (The Secretary here asked whether he should not write ‘cabbage ?’ The reply was, that it was ‘ immaterial.’) – All the balls were black.

Here the door-keeper came in, and said that Mr. R. had requested him to “go for a pot of porter.” – all the members astonished – one inquired what was the nature of porter? to which his neighbour answered, that he believed it was a medicine, used as a palliative or soporific. Mr. S. however defined it to be “an intoxicating beverage, like port, much drank by the lower orders.” The doorkeeper ordered to retire, and a vote of expulsion passed against Mr. R.

Mr. S. now said, that as several of the honourable members were asleep, he should move to adjourn the meeting – sine dine. – Agreed to nem.con.

(Signed) C.H.–”

This is a faithful transcript of the minute book

I had intended to have sent you some characters of our most celebrated members, but I am tired of writing. Perhaps I may resume my pen on some future day.

I have the honour to be,
Sir, &c. &c. &c.
JAMES JESSAMINE

Quoted from: The Literary Gazette: A Weekly Journal of Literature, Science etc. No. 88, September 26th. 1818, p. 620-621.