As originally sung by Mr Jones, at the Glasgow Circus.

THERE’S the wealthy Widow Watt,
She’s as ugly as her cat,
She’s toothless, dull of hearing, crook’d & bandy O,
Tho’ her skin’s as dark’s my hat,
Yet her cash can cover that,

When I hand her to her chair,
O I’ll whisper in her ear,
How very cold in bed at night must one be, O?
Then I’ll squeeze her wrinkl’d fist,
When her lips I’ve sweetly kiss’t,
And I’ll win her heart because I’ll be a dandy, O.

Then on my little finger
I will sport a diamond ring, sir,
When with her I take a glass or two of brandy, O,
With my quizzing glass so fine,
Hair frizzl’d up behind,
And my dashing bunch of seals are quite the dandy, O.

Then a cane shall grace my hand,
With a crook upon the end,
Which to hook a fallen glove is very handy, O,
For if I’m seen to stoop,
Or attempt to pick it up,
I might burst my stays and ne’er could be a dandy, O.

Next my smooth shirt neck appears,
Sticking up beside my ears,
Which to wash and dress you know is very handy, O,
With my stays so tightly lac’d,
I’m quite smart about the waist,
And my coat you’ll say’s the tippy and the dandy, O.

I’ve a little broad brim’d hat,
Pop’d on my head so pat,
Which to pull off to the ladies is quite handy, O;
And my trowsers at my knee,
That each dandyzette may see,
That my Wellingtons are bright, & quite the dandy, O.

Then my stiff’ner broad and neat,
Keeps my neck so stiff and strait,
And my neckcloth’s drawn as tight, , as tight as can
be, O,
Thus I swagger up and down,
The sport of half the town,
But a fig for all their jokes when I’m a dandy, O.

(Additional verses, sung by Mr. Jones at his benefit)

The sexes now, we’re told,
Differ quite from those of old,
They’re divided now as equally as can be, O,
Males are first upon the list,
Next with females we are blest,
And the third you know’s the thing we call a dandy, O.

Britons ever have been free,
Both on land and on the sea,
And for freedom often shewn what Britons can do, O;
But a Briton’s freedom’s lost,
Which so long has been our boast,
When he’s stiffd, and stay’d, and collar’d like a
dandy, O.

For the loss would be so great,
Both to you and to the state,
If you thought you’d got a man and found a dandy, O.

I must now conclude my song,
Which perhaps is rather long,
But I’ve done it all the justice that I can do, O;
And before I bid adieu,
Sure my gratitude is due,
For the plaudits you’ve bestow’d upon the dandy, O.

From: Goldie, John: Poems and Songs. 1822: 85-89.