M. de la Rochefoucault very justly observes, that People are never ridiculous from their real, but from their affected Characters; they can’t help being what they are, but they can help attempting to appear what they are not. A Hump back is by no -means ridiculous, unles it be under a fine Coat; nor a weak Understanding, unless it -assumes the Lustre of a bright one. Good -Nature conceals and pities the inevitable Defects of Body or Mind, but is not oblig’d to treat acquir’d ones with the least Indulgence. Those who would pass upon the World Talents they have not, are as guilty in the common Course of Society, as those who in the Way of Trade would put off false Money, knowing it to be such; and it is as much the Business of Ridicule to expose the former, as of the Law to punish the latter.

I cannot be of the general Opinion, that these Coxcombs have first imposed upon themselves, and really think themselves what they would have others think ‘em. On the contrary, I am persuaded that every Man knows himself best, and is his own severest Censor; nay, I am convinc’d, that many a Man has liv’d and died with Faults and Weaknesses, which no body but himself ever discover’d. It is true, they keep their own Secret inviolate, which makes People believe they have not found it out.

Fatuus, the most consummate Coxcomb, has Parts enough to have excell’d in almost any one Thing he would have applied himself to. But he must excel in all. He must be at once a Wit, a Lover, a Scholar, and a Statesman; yet, conscious of the Impracticability of the Undertaking, he parcels out his Accomplishments, and compounds to the feveral Branches of his Merit admir’d in separate Districts. Hence, he talks Politicks to his Women, Wit to Ministers of State, displays his Learning to Beaux, and brags of his Success in Gallantry to his Country Neighbours. His Caution is a Proof of his Guilt, and shows that he does not deceive himself, but only hopes to impose upon others.

There are as many Species of Coxcombs, as there are desirable Qualifications and Accomplishments in Life; and it would be endless to give Instances of every particular Vanity and Affectation, by which Men either make themselves ridiculous, or, at least, depreciate the other Qualities they really posess. I will now endeavour to point out the Means of avoiding these Errors.

It it very certain, that no one Man it fit for every Thing; but it it almost as certain too, that there is scarce any one Man who is not fit for something; which something Nature plainly points out to him, by giving him a Tendency and Propensity to it. I look upon Common Sense to be to the Mind, what Conscience is to the Heart, the faithful and constant Monitor of what is right or wrong: And I am convinced that no Man commits either a Crime, or a Folly, but against the manifest and sensible Representations of the one or the other. Every Man finds in himself, either from Nature or Education (for they are hard to distinguish) a peculiar Bent and Disposition to some particular Character; and his struggling against it, is the fruitless and endless Labour of Sisypbus. Let him follow and cultivate that Vocation, he will succeed in it, and be considerable in one Way at least; whereas, if he departs from it, he will at best be inconsiderable, probably ridiculous. The Players, who get their Parts by Heart, have a Regard, in chusing those Parts, to the natural Bent of their Genius; Penkethman never acted Cata, nor Booth Scrub; their invincible Unfitness for those Characters would inevitably have broke out, in the short Time of their Representation. In my Mind, Pinkey got more Credit by acting Scrub well, than he would have got by acting Cato ill; and I would much rather be an excellent Shoemaker, than a ridiculous Minister of State.

I greatly admire our industrious Neighbours,the Germans; they indefatigably pursue the Way Nature has chalk’d out to ‘em, and never deviate into any Irregularities of Character. Thus many of the first Rank, if happily turn’d to Mechanicks, have employ’d their whole Lives in the Incatenation of Fleas, or the curious Sculpture of Cherry-stones; while others, whose Thirst of Knowledge leads them to investigate the Secrets of Nature, spend Years in their Elaboratory, in pursuit of the Philosophers Stone: But none, that I ever heard of, ever deviated into an Attempt at Wit. Nay, even due Care is taken in the Education of their Princes, that they may be fit for something; for they are always instructed in some other Trade besides that of Government; so that if their Genius does not lead ‘em to be able Princes, it is ten to one but they are excellent Turners.

I must observe, that the Word Coxcomb is of the Common Gender, both Masculine and Feminine; and that the Male Coxcomb are equall’d in Number by the Female ones, who shall be the Subject of my next.

Quoted from: “Essays in September, 1737.” In: The London magazine; and Monthly Chronologer.